Memorial Day Emotional Roller Coaster

This weekend was a doozie. It was good, bad, good, good, busy, tiring, wow. And for someone who suffers from anxiety, depression, and addiction, that can be a lot to take in.

Let me set the scene.

Hubby had Monday off, so he came home in a good mood. We ate, we drank, we ate some more. You know, a typical partying couple. Then we went to bed, full and happy after consuming 10,000 calories.

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early. Literally. Try 3:30 AM if you want to really look at it. And since I’m a runner, the first thought that came to my mind was

Early AM run.

This is both good and bad; good, because I don’t procrastinate and then come up with excuses later. Bad, because I feel like a zombie all day (my body hasn’t adapted to early AM runs yet; I always used to run at 10 AM). But, I took some iron supplements, gulped some water, checked Facebook, then geared up for my run.

The run was awesome. I did a loop that I like to call The 5-mile loop. It’s more like 5 1/2 miles, but it’s one of my favorite routes to run. When I came home, I was happy. Why shouldn’t I be? Runner’s high to the max!

Hubby went to do errands after breakfast, and I began feeling tired. Solution? Take a nap!

3 1/2 hours later, I was ready to begin the latter part of my day. I don’t usually take naps, but I’m glad I did this time.

We did errands together, and came home to beer, baseball, Facebook, and enjoying each other.

I am regretting getting on Facebook, however.

A friend posted that one of her “friends” was spreading rumors and lies that could harm her entire family, and it sent me into an anxiety attack.

Something that happened last week got me to thinking that this status update of hers was about me, and it ruined my Saturday night and most of my Sunday. Only those of you with anxiety and bipolar disorder would know why this was such a problem for me.

I prayed about it and tried to focus on other things.

Thankfully, things got better and looking back now I see that I was being silly. Most likely, this post wasn’t about me. I would think that if it was, she would use filters so that couldn’t see he post. On the other side of the coin, if it was about me, who cares? I didn’t spread any rumors or harm her family at all. And if she can’t come to me with her problem (she’d rather post it on Facebook for all to see), then maybe this isn’t someone I want as my friend.

I trust God, but this anxiety and manic really put a damper on my life sometimes. I think it has to do with some stuff we went through in 2008; now I’m afraid that everyone is out to get me.

But God’s Word makes it plain that we have nothing to fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid? *Psalm 27:1

I made a decision today to spend less time with people who create drama. It’s essential for my well-being and sanity. The enemy would love nothing more than to confuse me, and ruin my whole weekend. When he succeeds, I eat and drink like crazy. Even more than when I’m happy; true story. Because when I’m happy, I’m in the right frame of mind and I tend to have a little more self control.

And if someone is creating confusion and drama, why are you hanging out with them? I ask myself that on a regular basis.

I remember back when we didn’t have a computer. We had an email address through the library, but we didn’t have Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Reddit, Pinterest, Youtube,,,nothing of that sort. It was marvelous :)

Now that we instantly interact with hundreds of people a day, it can be really easy to end up in an argument, dealing with drama, or with hurt feelings. And it’s not right.

Focusing on myself and my husband (and my goals, chores, crafts, etc) really helps to filter out a lot of the drama. I can’t ignore all of it, since I live in a town full of loser gossips who love to tear people down, but I can at least filter out most of it, so I can focus on and achieve my goals.

Anxiety is one thing I have to deal with on a regular basis, but it doesn’t define me.

 

 

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