Honestly?

A smexy Facebook friend (who I mentioned previously) messaged me and told me that I make him laugh. Well, OK, that’s cool but I wasn’t sure how I did that. He says he likes honesty. Well he’s right. I am honest. If my day sucks, I share it. If my run bombs, I share that too. I’m not perfect, and no one can accuse me of Fake-booking. So apparently my transparency is funny to some. Well, good on me then. 😀

I think the honest part of me seeks attention, validation and a little bit of “there, there,” but it also shows people that “hey, this is me, take it or leave it.” I hate to say it, but many people leave it. But that’s OK, I still have the important ones close to me and they hold me close to their heart. 

Sometimes I don’t know how to see myself, and when someone shows me “me,” I’m always a little surprised. I didn’t know I was an introvert for many years, and then I started meeting some people who were, and they were open about their personality. I realized that I, too, am an introvert. I need solitude more often than most, and do not bode well with clingy people. I was so relieved when I learned this about myself! 🙂

This guy friend of mine says some pretty interesting things; never know what he’s going to say next. 

And with that, WordPressians, I bid you goodnight! 

Coughing Fits, Pity Parties, and Hot Facebook Friends

I’ve been having coughing fits like you wouldn’t believe (well, maybe you would; if you have had those before as well). And these blasted fits have led me to get a stiff neck which hurts like a betch. 😦 So this past week has been pretty miserable, like I eluded to in my last post. 

This morning they were really bad. I have been trying to stay away from coffee, but my husband poured me a cup and then here comes the coughing….way too much stimulation for my lungs and throat to handle! And it lasted several hours (coughing off and on). It was miserable.

So I had a few pity parties by myself today. I’m still in the middle of one right now, as a matter of fact. I just feel so frustrated, wishing the cough and neck pain would go away. 

But one thing that helps is a Facebook friend of mine always sends me positive vibes. He sends me compliments and uplifting stuff too. He always knows the right things to say. He calls me “awesome,” “rockstar,” and “wicked awesome.” Makes my day every single time. And yea, I guess I like him a little bit.

I met him through another Facebook friend about a year ago, and I didn’t realize we’d get this close. He likes to write and wants to become a published author, and admires my love for writing (which isn’t much; I do this blog and write a little on Hubpages). He also has a passion for fitness and running, similar to mine. So those are the excuses he uses to message me. 😉

I don’t know him that well or how genuine he is regarding the things he says, but I’m keeping a close watch on the boundary. So far so good; we’re both married, and so far he hasn’t crossed a boundary. I just don’t know how much of his compliments are genuine; only time will tell. For now, it is helping me get through this difficult time. And that’s all that matters.

I used to get so sad when a guy would smooth talk me for a while, and when he got bored, he would leave without any warning. But hopefully if and when that time comes, I’ll be ready for it.

My anxiety used to kick in when a guy stopped talking to me, and I would message him and ask what’s up. I don’t do that anymore 🙂 In fact, I don’t expect much from my guy friends. They all seem to have ADD when it comes to me.

Because of bad luck in the past, I just assume nobody likes me and I opt to do my own thing usually. I’m always a little surprised when someone acts like they want to hang out online or in person.

I can also tell when someone is fake. There was this chick on Twitter once who didn’t say anything to me for a long time when we became mutual followers. Then all of a sudden, she began with the “Hey there, good friend! I’m so happy to see you.” She began to DM me on Twitter, and gave me her phone number. I thought that was strange.

She wasn’t too creepy though lol so I became friends with her on Facebook as well. That’s when the trouble started. She started sending me IMs asking me how my day was, and asking me to do conference calls with her company, Shakeology. The conference calls were about a fitness something or other; you call this number, and there’s 10+ people also on the same line, and you can do a live Q&A. So bizarre-o!  She also tagged me with 20 other people I didn’t know, wanting me to do Insanity. Which I thought was insane (sorry, couldn’t resist that one lol).  Well, I don’t want to be tagged with 20 people I don’t know, and I’m not interested in Shakeology or long distance phone calls with 10 other people I don’t know as well. So I unfriended her. We’re still friends on Twitter, and she tries to get me into tweets with multiple other users, but I just ignore it. It’s clear I was just being used to promote her business, whatever that was. I told my husband Shakeology is probably just Slim Fast of the 21st century LOL!!!

So I’m a pretty good judge of character. There’s a lot of fake people in my life, and they treat me like dirt. I just ignore them, and opt not to give them my number, email, or any other personal information if I can help it.

But this guy on FB seems cool so far. It’s just that if he tries to go beyond a boundary, he might find out I don’t play that instrument lol 

Some girls be like “but he’s soooo hawt!” 

And I be like, Yeah but he’s soooo marrriieedddd lol

But I can’t lie, I have had my share of pitter-patter moments when he sends me messages, but I’m too old to fall into that trap. I think he’s hot, sure, but I also know I’m not stupid. Not perfect either, but definitely not stupid 😉

So OK, where do I go from here? There’s really no problem to solve tonight, just a reflection of this crappy week with the cold and discussing Mr. Hot. Hmmm,….

I made myself laugh, that’s a good thing. 

If I think of anything, I’ll write another post lol For now, I’m good.

Peace all….

 

 

I haven’t been …

I haven’t been that depressed lately, but it’s by human will, and the grace of God.

My life isn’t perfect. Far from it; but when I post here, I am starting to (or already do) feel better. The struggle is real. I do struggle with depression, alcoholism, and anxiety. But I’m managing, thanks to a very, very VERY strong support system.

 

I’ll also post free resources for you if you are having struggles of your own. Please be patient with me, and God bless! 

Sick and In Pain

Wow what a week it’s been. I got a new/used bike one week ago tomorrow, and I’ve done three medium-length rides on it (about 10-18 miles each) and one run/bike brick workout. I would love to go for more bike rides, but I got a cold last Thursday. I woke up with a sore throat, then it evolved into stuffy nose, sneezing, and coughing fits. The coughing fits caused my neck to get sore, and I’ve been applying IcyHot and Ibuprofen like a crazy hospital patient. Hard to believe I’ve been able to run, cycle, and walk 57 miles this week. I think that is an absolute miracle. 🙂

I’m sitting here tonight feeling somewhat better, but I know that is partly due to the grace of God. When my neck flared up to the point of absolute agony this afternoon, I asked for prayer on Facebook. My friends responded immediately, and I felt better. I know pain remedies helped too. 

I am trying not to get discouraged; but it’s ironic that I was accepted as a #sweatpink ambassador when my cold hit full force. I couldn’t do much, and I sure as heck didn’t feel very sporty. I haven’t even met the other ambassadors yet. I’ve added the admins of Fit Approach on Facebook, but that’s about it.

When you feel like crap and you have goals you want to achieve, it can get discouraging and almost heartbreaking. But i am doing my best to keep my chin up. I know there are other people out there who have it worse off than me. Some people can’t even walk, and yet they find a niche that they can compete in, and some of them excel and even win. So I need to stop with the pity party, drop the drama, and suck it up. But it still hurts. And it hurts bad. 

The best thing for me to do is to introvert whenever possible, and focus on my health and my family. Haters are gonna hate, and tell you that you are a fat loser and that’s why you have back pain/plantar fasciitis (sp?)/cancer/heart disease, or what have you. They will tell you that if you ‘just get off your fat ass and exercise,’ you’ll stop hurting. Oh, as if it were that simple! So if need be, I try to stay to myself when the pain is intense. It also helps with preventing me from comparing myself to others.

I have an excellent support system though, on Facebook and Twitter. I also have a very supportive husband and God! And that’s the most important thing.

I’m 90% sure that the cold came from a drinking fountain on one of my rides. The very first ride I went on was a short 3-mile ride to a park and back. I stopped to get a drink of water, and immediately got a headache. I just thought the water was too cold and it gave me an ice cream headache, but I think there was more too it than that. That night I did a 15-mile ride to a State park, with 2 rides on the bike trail around the lake. It was pretty intense, since I hadn’t been on a bike in many years. I probably didn’t hydrate as well as I should, and 48-72 hours later, I was sick. Sucked!!!

So, I chock it up as lesson learned, and I’ll be taking a PBA-free water bottle with me whenever possible. I need to get a water bottle carriage for my bike too. 

Another plus is when I woke up with the neck pain, I decided to make hot pads for muscle aches. I found a pattern on Pinterest that uses old socks or leg warmers, and had them done in minutes; one hot, one cold. Boo to the ya! 🙂 I absolutely love them. And, no pressing, ironing or pre-washing of fabric. So that’s a plus.

My pain is real, but it’s also temporary. 

I hope that if you’re in pain, you find peace, love, joy, and comfort in something tangible as well.

Peace to all

 

Memorial Day Emotional Roller Coaster

This weekend was a doozie. It was good, bad, good, good, busy, tiring, wow. And for someone who suffers from anxiety, depression, and addiction, that can be a lot to take in.

Let me set the scene.

Hubby had Monday off, so he came home in a good mood. We ate, we drank, we ate some more. You know, a typical partying couple. Then we went to bed, full and happy after consuming 10,000 calories.

Saturday morning I woke up bright and early. Literally. Try 3:30 AM if you want to really look at it. And since I’m a runner, the first thought that came to my mind was

Early AM run.

This is both good and bad; good, because I don’t procrastinate and then come up with excuses later. Bad, because I feel like a zombie all day (my body hasn’t adapted to early AM runs yet; I always used to run at 10 AM). But, I took some iron supplements, gulped some water, checked Facebook, then geared up for my run.

The run was awesome. I did a loop that I like to call The 5-mile loop. It’s more like 5 1/2 miles, but it’s one of my favorite routes to run. When I came home, I was happy. Why shouldn’t I be? Runner’s high to the max!

Hubby went to do errands after breakfast, and I began feeling tired. Solution? Take a nap!

3 1/2 hours later, I was ready to begin the latter part of my day. I don’t usually take naps, but I’m glad I did this time.

We did errands together, and came home to beer, baseball, Facebook, and enjoying each other.

I am regretting getting on Facebook, however.

A friend posted that one of her “friends” was spreading rumors and lies that could harm her entire family, and it sent me into an anxiety attack.

Something that happened last week got me to thinking that this status update of hers was about me, and it ruined my Saturday night and most of my Sunday. Only those of you with anxiety and bipolar disorder would know why this was such a problem for me.

I prayed about it and tried to focus on other things.

Thankfully, things got better and looking back now I see that I was being silly. Most likely, this post wasn’t about me. I would think that if it was, she would use filters so that couldn’t see he post. On the other side of the coin, if it was about me, who cares? I didn’t spread any rumors or harm her family at all. And if she can’t come to me with her problem (she’d rather post it on Facebook for all to see), then maybe this isn’t someone I want as my friend.

I trust God, but this anxiety and manic really put a damper on my life sometimes. I think it has to do with some stuff we went through in 2008; now I’m afraid that everyone is out to get me.

But God’s Word makes it plain that we have nothing to fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid? *Psalm 27:1

I made a decision today to spend less time with people who create drama. It’s essential for my well-being and sanity. The enemy would love nothing more than to confuse me, and ruin my whole weekend. When he succeeds, I eat and drink like crazy. Even more than when I’m happy; true story. Because when I’m happy, I’m in the right frame of mind and I tend to have a little more self control.

And if someone is creating confusion and drama, why are you hanging out with them? I ask myself that on a regular basis.

I remember back when we didn’t have a computer. We had an email address through the library, but we didn’t have Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Reddit, Pinterest, Youtube,,,nothing of that sort. It was marvelous 🙂

Now that we instantly interact with hundreds of people a day, it can be really easy to end up in an argument, dealing with drama, or with hurt feelings. And it’s not right.

Focusing on myself and my husband (and my goals, chores, crafts, etc) really helps to filter out a lot of the drama. I can’t ignore all of it, since I live in a town full of loser gossips who love to tear people down, but I can at least filter out most of it, so I can focus on and achieve my goals.

Anxiety is one thing I have to deal with on a regular basis, but it doesn’t define me.